Achieving Happiness Column for 1-9-05 By Tom Muha, Ph.D. EFFECTIVE RESOLUTIONS  William R. Miller, distinguished professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of New Mexico, has spent years investigating the psychology of change. In the February 2005 issue of Spirituality and Health Magazine, he discusses his research in an article “Resolutions That Work.” Effective resolutions, it was found, move you from merely desiring change to maintaining your commitment. Carefully crafted resolutions help you in four ways: 1. You focus on your desire for change. 2. You see that it’s possible. 3. You recognize the reasons for changing. 4. You make it important enough to remain committed. INCREASING MOTIVATION The studies show that the words you use to motivate yourself fall into one of four DARN categories: Desire, Ability, Reasons, and Needs. The first level of motivation is simply desire, as seen in statements such as these: “I want to lose weight.” “I wish I could stay calmer.” “I would like to have better relationships.” The second level of motivation reflects your belief about your ability to change: “I could go on a diet.” “I can control my temper.” “I’m able to be friendlier.” Giving yourself reasons for changing increases your awareness of how you’ll benefit, and represents a third level of motivation: “I’d have more energy if I lost weight.” “Exercising could help reduce my stress.” “Being closer to people would make me happy.” The highest level of motivation comes from identifying your need, as reflected in the following statements: “I’ve got to protect my health so I can enjoy my retirement.” “I really want to be a positive person with my kids.” “It’s important for me to save my marriage.” WRITE DOWN RESOLUTIONS  To strengthen your New Year’s resolution, write out four statements that affirm your desire, ability, reason and need to change using words similar to those above. Use a piece of paper that is small enough to carry with you. For example, if your resolution is to stop smoking, you could write: “I wish I could stop smoking. I could start using the patch. I wouldn’t be standing outside in the cold this winter. I really want to be around for my kids.” MAKING COMMITMENTS Even giving yourself four DARN good motivations to change doesn’t mean that you’ll do it. You also need commitment. Being committed requires that you take your emotions out of the choices you make. Your thinking regulates your feelings, and your feelings give you energy for doing. So what you decide to actually do is determined by what you choose to think. Think through other possibilities of what you can do when the old choices arise. Figure out three specific actions you are willing to commit to using when the time arises. Now add them to your DARN resolution by completing three statements that start with “I will...”.  To continue the smoking example, a person could write: “I will take 10 deep, slow breaths to relax.” “I will chew a piece of sugar-free gum.” “I will call a friend to distract myself.” Now you can start using your DARN resolution and your three commitments. The old impulses will only last a minute or two, and you can ward them off by reading your resolution and commitments. That will give you the choice to change your thinking, which gives you the power to control your behavior.      NO MISTAKES, ONLY LESSONS It’s unlikely you’ll be perfect in your efforts to change, but that’s not catastrophic. If you make a bad choice, learn a lesson from your experience. Then add to your commitment list, “From now on I will...”     Tom Muha is a psychologist in Annapolis. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at tom@achievinghappiness.com.