Positive Psychology Column for 7-13-03 By Tom Muha, Ph.D. Controlling the urge to splurge We’ve all heard the old saying, “Money doesn’t make you happy.” While this is certainly true in the long run, many people find a great deal of short-term satisfaction in spending their money. Like any other pleasurable activity, shopping can become an uncontrollable urge. Take Karen and Dean (actual names have been changed to protect the penniless) as an example. Karen has bags of clothes for herself and her children that are tucked away at home with the tags still attached. Some of the clothes have been sitting around for so long that they won’t even fit her kids anymore. But Dean is no better. His routine is to shop for the bigger ticket items, like an in-home movie theater or a complete set of workout machines. He’ll have the items delivered and set up. Sometimes he’ll call the next week to have it all picked up and returned, but he still takes big bites out of their budget. This couple has an interesting way of dealing with laundry. When they run out of clean clothes, they often go out and buy what they need rather than wash what they have. This couple makes a good living, but they’re deeply into credit card debt. They know that their spending is out of control, but they can’t seem to stop themselves. Karen and Dean have become compulsive shoppers. What began as benign behavior, picking up a pair (or three) of shoes to brighten a blah day, has become an irresistible, irrational and intrusive impulse. Like gamblers, shopping addicts feel a momentary high when they put their money out there. “I have a feeling of importance and power when I whip out my credit card,” Karen says. The good feelings she gets from spending keeps her coming back for more - and more and more. When she can’t go shopping, Karen becomes unhappy,  irritable, depressed, and even physically ill. These symptoms serve a dual purpose. First, they intensify her desire to get back to the mall so she doesn’t miss out on any good deals. But they also provide an incentive to her husband not to stand in her way, because every time he does so he incurs the wrath of a miserable person who’s only motivation is to find a way to alleviate her bad feelings. Dean’s solution is to just work harder in order to make enough money to keep them afloat. Of course, this only serves to perpetuate the problem. When Dean is working late, Karen feels resentful and rejected because she doesn’t have a partner with whom she can share her life. Karen and Dean have become emotionally estranged, and they seek to soothe their empty feelings by filling up a shopping bag. But this just puts more stress and strain on their relationship. Any addiction requires an enabler, and for shopaholics that would be their credit cards. By using credit cards, people are able to uncouple the ultimate pain of having to pay for goods from the immediate pleasure of getting their goodies. Psychologically this frees a person from guilt or rational self-restraint regarding their budget. As Karen puts it, “Using my credit card is like getting things for free. And with Dean paying the bills, I never even see how much I’ve spent.” Karen, like nearly all credit card customers, grossly underestimates how much debt she’s accumulating. The typical consumer owes more than twice as much on their credit cards as they think they do, according to research conducted by the University of Maryland. What’s the answer for people like Karen and Dean? They have to break their addiction by going cold turkey. That means cutting up their credit cards and eliminating easy access to their checking and debit accounts. Instead, they need to manage their finances on a cash basis. If they don’t have the cash, they can’t buy it. Bringing this level of reality into their lives is the only way for them to break their compulsive spending habit. Of course, they’ll initially have withdrawal symptoms as they suddenly lose their primary source of satisfaction in their life. But this also forces them to find new patterns to fulfill their needs. They’ll benefit a great deal from professional help while they’re experiencing this window of opportunity for change. They’ll discover there are many healthy ways to feel good. Learning how to create good feelings in their relationship, for example, would provide a wonderful way for them to achieve happiness.   Tom Muha is a psychologist in Annapolis. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at tom@achievinghappiness.com.