Positive Psychology Column for 7-13-03 By Tom Muha, Ph.D. Appreciating the Good Parts of Life Achieving Happiness Column for 4-4-04 by Tom Muha   Teach Kids to Bounce Back   It’s harder to be a human being these days, especially if you’re a child. We’re all confronted with a lot more negative events, which is even more difficult for kids because they’ve developed fewer coping skills than adults. There’s always something going on that arouses fear in the hearts of children. The TV splashes video images of a child being snatched off the street, or shows the graphic results of a bomb that has gone off on a train or bus. Even some of the people kids idolize, from pop stars and sports heros to priests, are regularly reported to have abused children or raped teenagers. But there are also problems present within many children’s homes that are difficult to deal with. Over half of all children in the U.S. will be traumatized by the divorce of their parents. Another one in five will grow up in a dysfunctional family plagued by alcohol, drugs, anger or some other form of abuse. What is amazing is that, in spite of all of these challenges, children can grow up to be successful and satisfied with their adult lives. Psychologists have been studying how children can survive a bad beginning and go on to thrive as adults. Last fall the American Psychological Association launched a campaign to help educate the public on how to help kids cope with stress and trauma. Putting together information from topnotch experts, the APA has developed ten tips for building resilience in children. Adults will find some wonderful wisdom for their own lives as well. 1. Teach children to make connections. Helping kids learn how to have good relationships gives them the social support they need in order to bounce back from the inevitable trials and tribulations they must face. Children benefit enormously from developing specific skills such as empathy, which allows them to be aware of how others are feeling. Being able to understand other people’s emotions is the key to being a friend, which is the best way to make a friend. 2. Have children help others. Children can often feel helpless. But encouraging them to engage in age-appropriate efforts to assist someone else gives them a sense of having the power to make the world a better place. The happiest people on earth are those who take time to help others. 3. Maintain a daily routine. Providing structure is essential for children in order for them to develop healthy habits. As they get older, encourage them to participate in establishing their daily rituals. 4. Plan times to take breaks. The adult human brain can maintain concentration for a maximum of 90 minutes, and for far less time for younger individuals. Regular breaks are important for alleviating the anxiety that accumulates as kid’s feel the pressure to do well, fit in, please parents, etc. 5. Promote a balanced lifestyle. Learning to have a healthy balance in life is crucial to a child’s well-being. Kids must be taught how to eat properly, to get enough exercise and rest, and to have fun in ways that involve people rather than electronic devices. 6. Keep moving toward goals. Helping children set reasonable goals and then take one step at a time to move toward them will build their confidence that they can deal with the challenges of life. Praising progress and effort along the way will keep a child motivated to keep moving forward. 7. Nourish a positive self-view. How people feel about themselves is based on how they talk to themselves about their present situation as well as how they envision their future. Remind children how they’ve handled hardships in the past and help them to see themselves arriving at successful solutions to the problems they’re currently facing. 8. Cultivate an optimistic outlook. Children have a difficult time looking beyond their current situation. They need the adults in their life to help them develop a long-term perspective that enables them to see it’s possible to move on to recreating good things in life even after bad events have occurred. 9. Develop children’s character strengths. Children have the opportunity to learn the most as a result of the tough times they encounter. Encourage children to look at those character strengths that they can use to meet the inescapable challenges of life. 10. Accept change as a constant. Change automatically evokes the fear response. Happy people have learned to control their fear so that they can figure out how to adapt successfully to their new situation.   Tom Muha is a psychologist in Annapolis. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at tom@achievinghappiness.com.