Achieving Happiness Column for 8-1-04 By Tom Muha, Ph.D. Worrying only makes problems worse Do you think it’s possible for people to be happy when they are facing ongoing problems in their life? Not only is the answer yes, but some people come out of their ordeal with a life that is even better. The fact of the matter is that everyone has periods when they’re suffering through life. Positive psychology has studied those people who somehow go on to create happiness despite their difficulties. Joel is a good example of someone who has been struggling for the last few years. He’s been the CEO of his company for many years, but this past recession has taken a serious toll on his company and his psyche. Joel and his company are surviving so far. However, the recovery is painfully slow and the outcome remains uncertain. In the meantime, Joel’s worries are eating him alive. Like most worriers, Joel has four areas that he focuses on as he ruminates about his predicament. He spends about 30% of his mental energy thinking about what went wrong in the past, and who was to blame for the mistakes that were made. The difficulty with this approach is that it’s impossible to change anything about the past. Dwelling on what went wrong only generates bad feelings, which spreads negative energy into the present moment. Joel devotes another 30% of his attention to projecting what additional problems could occur in the future if things don’t improve. He imagines the worst-case scenarios that would accompany those troubles. Allowing this type of thinking to pervade one’s mental process only creates a defeatist attitude. Worriers waste a lot of their energy contending with issues that will never actually arise. Yet another 30% of Joel’s consciousness is consumed with comparing himself to others and imagining what those people are thinking about him. Worriers don’t think they’re as good as others and they attribute very critical comments about themselves to minds of most other people. Focusing on your flaws doesn’t take the sorrow out of tomorrow, it simply saps your strength today. Self-criticism and negative comparisons to others  direct your attention away from focusing on your much needed strengths and resources. By spending 90% of his time and energy obsessing over past wrongs, potential problems, and self-deprecating opinions, Joel is left with only 10% of his capacity to think about what choices he could make now that might get him through this tough time. Worrying is like a river of fear that is running through Joel’s mind. It started out as a small trickle which was left unchecked, cutting a deep channel into which all of his thoughts are now drained. To stem the flow of worry requires adhering to three rules, according to Paul Pearsall in his book The Beethoven Factor. The first is the “Let It Go” rule: When stress strikes, it’s not the worry that will destroy your life; it’s permitting the worry to become a permanent emotional state. The second rule is “Have Faith, Calm Down, and Don’t Despair”: By telling themselves that no feeling lasts forever, people can maintain their faith that equally strong positive emotions will also be a part of their lives. “Suffer Wisely and Cheer Up” is the third rule: Acknowledging that suffering is an ongoing element in everyone’s existence, human beings can remind themselves they’d been much stronger than they’d imagined when handling previous challenges. Joel can become a wiser worrier by applying these three rules to his life. Instead of allowing himself to go around and around about his problems, he can learn to look at worry as mostly a memory or a reminder to appreciate his character strengths. He can drive himself sane by disregarding 90% of his anxieties. When Joel worries about the past, the future, or other people, he can tell himself that he’s only diverting his energy to issues outside his present span of control. Joel can then use the remaining 10% of his worry as a signal to focus on figuring out what his choices are at the present time. By reorienting his mind to the here and now, Joel can reclaim his power to decide on the best strategies for solving his immediate problems.  Best of all, with all of the extra time and energy he’ll free up Joel can start seeking out people who will help him recharge his batteries by engaging with him in some pleasurable activities.    Tom Muha is a psychologist in Annapolis. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at tom@achievinghappiness.com.